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Child Social and Emotional Development Issues - Post Your Question to Our Experts
Do you have a question or dilemma related to childhood challenges, character education or life skills? From communication, empathy, self awareness and responsibility to eating disorders, adapting to change, talking with parents, and strengthening the family, Psy.D. Steven E. Tobias and Dr. Sarah Itzhaki, are here to help.Our Experts Short professional bio
Click on your question to read our answer
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Swallowing Phobia, see reply below
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For Dr. Tobias,
My doctor diagnosed my daughter with a ‘‘swallowing phobia‘‘. She eats some things but not others. She has had an esophagram and it came up clear. she will tell us her throat is fine but for example, it took her 30 minutes to eat a half a piece of toast. she chews it until it is liquid and then may or may not swallow it. We think it was brought on by a choking incident she had a while back and then was triggered by a bout of strep. How can we help her get back to normal eating and get over the fear of choking on her food?
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Dr. Tobias:
This does indeed sound like a ‘‘swallowing phobia,‘‘ or irrational fear that something bad will happen if she eats. It is important that professional help is sought right away as, if left untreated, children sometimes restrict their diet more and more because the avoidance of eating relieves the anxiety. A cognitive-behavioral psychologist should be able to address and change this behavior.
Dr. Steven Tobias
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Dr. Tobias:
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Why do we need therapeutic games or stories for children, why not just talk about it?
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Psychodrama – “instead of talking about, do…” cognitive learning about topics is an elementary and necessary stage in moving towards change. But it does not create change in itself and certainly is not enough in implementing a long lasting change. Implementing may only be achieved via emotions and feelings. This route between understand the need for change and implementing it is blocked many times. In order to overcome it we need to release our holdings, yet become aware at the same time, this can only be done by actions, experiencing. Think of changes you have gone through in life, when did they work? When did they fail? Why? Playing games helps us overcome the resistance to change. Games, toys, role playing, stories are safe places in which we can explore, try out, without the fear of failing, shame, or being judged, simply by having fun yet catching on to the lessons which are inherent in those games.
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Psychodrama – “instead of talking about, do…” cognitive learning about topics is an elementary and necessary stage in moving towards change. But it does not create change in itself and certainly is not enough in implementing a long lasting change. Implementing may only be achieved via emotions and feelings. This route between understand the need for change and implementing it is blocked many times. In order to overcome it we need to release our holdings, yet become aware at the same time, this can only be done by actions, experiencing. Think of changes you have gone through in life, when did they work? When did they fail? Why? Playing games helps us overcome the resistance to change. Games, toys, role playing, stories are safe places in which we can explore, try out, without the fear of failing, shame, or being judged, simply by having fun yet catching on to the lessons which are inherent in those games.
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Yay, Stickboy!December 14, 2012 I don‘t know if there‘s a better clinical explanation, but to me shyness is just one way of avoiding social anxiety. Shyness is more of a personal trait of yours, whereas anxiety can be seen as more of a condition. There‘s a lot of things that can make you shy or at least appear to be. Most of the time I think it all just branches from being very self-conscious. If you worry about how you look, how you come off, how you sound, you will be very uncomfortable in any social situation.But if you do feel really nervous talking to people or even just being around them you probably have some kind of anxiety. I used to be like this. I‘m more comfortable but I‘m still bad at conversation. Anxiety is something you can really feel. You need to just put yourself out there to know. I personally don‘t think it‘s too relevant to know if it‘s anxiety. The most you can get from that diagnosis is some pills, and I honestly think those do more harm than good.It takes time and practice really to get over it. I don‘t see it as being too much of a problem. If you have some friends and you‘re happy with them, that‘s great. I think too many friends can just a hassle. It‘s the really good ones that count, and those are few. If you are having non-related panic attacks then that is something else, but still important to look at.
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Thank you for your comment.
Shyness can be thought of as a lower degree of social anxiety. The line between ‘‘shyness‘‘ as a personality trait and ‘‘anxiety‘‘ as a disorder depends on the degree of impairment. If one goes to a party and tends to be quiet and initiates conversation only with familiar people, then they are ‘‘shy.‘‘ If they cannot go to the party but would like to, that is ‘‘anxiety‘‘ because it interferes with their functioning. Both ‘‘shyness‘‘ and ‘‘anxiety‘‘ respond well to practice. The more you put yourself out there, usually, the more comfortable you become. Some people are able to overcome their initial reaction on their own, and others will need therapeutic support to do this.
Dr. Steven Tobias
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Thank you for your comment.
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Tip top stuff. I‘ll expect more now.
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Thank you for your comment. Do let us know if there are any specific subjects you wish us to cover.
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Thank you for your comment. Do let us know if there are any specific subjects you wish us to cover.
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You‘re on top of the game. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you for your comment. We look forward for more feedbacks from you.
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Thank you for your comment. We look forward for more feedbacks from you.
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What is the role of the parent?
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Parents can read the book to a 4- or 5-year-old. They can read it with and explain it to an early reader. Later, the child will be able to read it by himself.
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Parents can read the book to a 4- or 5-year-old. They can read it with and explain it to an early reader. Later, the child will be able to read it by himself.
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Can I read the book without the toy?
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Sure. There are no rules, but for a more complete sensory experience, both are recommended. However you want to enjoy is up to you.
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Sure. There are no rules, but for a more complete sensory experience, both are recommended. However you want to enjoy is up to you.
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Why a book with a toy?
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The experience of these combined entertainment media provides more complete growth for the child, because it activates both passive and active listening and engages more of his or her senses. A book with a toy enhances the joy of play, increases comprehension of the message and ignites the imagination.
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The experience of these combined entertainment media provides more complete growth for the child, because it activates both passive and active listening and engages more of his or her senses. A book with a toy enhances the joy of play, increases comprehension of the message and ignites the imagination.
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What are the reasons behind shyness?
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Reasons for being shy:
1. Genetic factors – children who are born to a shy parent have a greater tendency to be shy themselves.
2. Environmental factors – Normal life challenges, such as a new day in pre-school, kindergarten or school, peer mockery, teasing or bullying can also induce shyness. From over-critical parents to a society which is achievement-oriented and does not accept imperfection or strangeness.
3. Modern age factors account for less unstructured play activities with peers:
a. Cultural changes within the United States include increased crime that forces children off the streets and smaller families resulting in fewer siblings and smaller peer groups.
b. Technology - increasing use of computers, video games and TV as a form of non-human means of fun and play.
Read more about shyness
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Reasons for being shy:
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That‘s way more clever than I was epexcting. Thanks!
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Hello,
I am seeking a book that would help our 7 and 10 year old daughters with understanding Alzheimers. My dad, their grandfather, has this and we want to help them with understanding this in kid friendly form. Thank you
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Dear Mom/Dad,
By approaching us with your question you show a great deal of compassion for both your daughters and your father. We send you our thoughts in this challenging time of your life. While I can not recommend any book, below is a list of books I came across dealing with this important issue:
- “Singing with Momma Lou” by Elizabeth Kennedy
- “Always My Grandpa: A Story for Children About Alzheimer‘s Disease” by Linda Scacco
- “What‘s Happening to Grandpa?” by Maria Shriver. This book also provides important resources regarding the disease.
Additional information, listings and purchasing details are available on Amazon.
Wishing you and your loved ones love and health.
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Dear Mom/Dad,
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My name is Judy A. My granddaughter is 4 years old. We are having trouble with her talking and listening to us. What I mean is when her mother takes her to the doctor or out to eat. Other wise she is OK and she has two other places that she goes between . Her father and mother are not living together, they broke up befor she was born.
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Dear Judy,
Your have a very important question, but we do need more details. If you will post your contact details, or email, on our website we will contact you directly and refer you to someone who can help you. Also try to answer these questions - What is her living situation? How often does she see her parents? Does she go to kindergarten? How does she manage with other children her age? And/or with with the teacher there? etc.
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Dear Judy,
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What are the properties of educational toys and how does it stiumulate the minds of children aged 7-11?
See reply below!
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Play is the natural way for children to learn and, therefore, it is the content of their play that is important. Through play, they also learn to work through conflicts that prepare them for adulthood. Educational toys have a deliberate content that seeks to teach a particular subject, from math skills to positive social values. In addition, children learn best when their learning is facilitated by a caring adult. Educational toys that also involve adults in the play are most effective.
Steven Tobias, Psy.D.
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Play is the natural way for children to learn and, therefore, it is the content of their play that is important. Through play, they also learn to work through conflicts that prepare them for adulthood. Educational toys have a deliberate content that seeks to teach a particular subject, from math skills to positive social values. In addition, children learn best when their learning is facilitated by a caring adult. Educational toys that also involve adults in the play are most effective.
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What are some current researches done about shyness among children?
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Great question! Let us start by describing a few studies:
BIOLOGICAL COMPONENTS OF SHYNESS:
Extremely shy children have higher than normal activity in the amygdala, a part of the brain that controls emotions and triggers reactions to anxiety. They respond more strongly to stress and are anxious in situations that non-shy peers find safe. Indeed, as much as 90% of an “extremely shy” group of preschool children also met the criteria for an existing anxiety disorder.
BIRTH WEIGHT AND SHYNESS:
Young adults who were born with an extremely low birth weight (ELBW: 500-1000 grams) but were otherwise healthy are shyer and less extroverted than their normal birth weight counterparts. This suggests that exposure to stress before, during or even shortly after birth can have a strong influence on social development.
EFFECT OF PERSONALITY ON SHYNESS:
Curious? Read more..
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Great question! Let us start by describing a few studies:
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My four and a half becomes completely quiet and withdrawn when we have guests in the house. He runs and hides behind us and complains he is feeling a ‘Tummy ache’. It’s even worse when our guests bring kids his age. We tell him to show them his toys, but it makes matters only worse. We feel sometimes frustrated that other children may not like him. At kindergarden he has one or two friends he sometimes meets in the afternoon. But it’s very hard to set up a play date for him since other children are not too keen to play with him. What should we do?
Janet, IL
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At home, be empathetic and supportive. Do not push him to interact, as this will only make him cling to you more. Be patient with him. It will initially be necessary for you to stay with him when visitors are there. Your presence should help decrease his anxiety and make it easier for him to interact with others; he will interact when he is ready. Do not allow him to withdraw from the social situation, but stay with him when others are around to reassure him. Try to not be too much fun, however. You want to be a reassuring presence but boring so that it is more fun to interact with others. Also, keep working on the playdates and make sure you supervise them closely so that they are positive experiences for both children. Finally, ask his kindergarten teacher what’s going on. She may have some ideas for you as well. If this continues to be a problem or worsens, consult a mental health professional, especially if there are significant stresses within the family or a family history of anxiety disorders.
Dr. Steven Tobias
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At home, be empathetic and supportive. Do not push him to interact, as this will only make him cling to you more. Be patient with him. It will initially be necessary for you to stay with him when visitors are there. Your presence should help decrease his anxiety and make it easier for him to interact with others; he will interact when he is ready. Do not allow him to withdraw from the social situation, but stay with him when others are around to reassure him. Try to not be too much fun, however. You want to be a reassuring presence but boring so that it is more fun to interact with others. Also, keep working on the playdates and make sure you supervise them closely so that they are positive experiences for both children. Finally, ask his kindergarten teacher what’s going on. She may have some ideas for you as well. If this continues to be a problem or worsens, consult a mental health professional, especially if there are significant stresses within the family or a family history of anxiety disorders.
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My 6 year old son has been glued to theTV from the minute he sets foot into the house from school until he goes to sleep. He never plays with any of his school friends or anyone else during the afternoon. All he does is seat for hours watching TV and munching on snacks, as though he is hypnotized. My husband thinks its because he is overweight and this is a way to avoid dealing with his friends.
Natalie, OR
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How long had this been going on? Has he been acting this way since always or is it a new aquired trait? If it’s a new behaviour you need to see if something has occurred in school that makes him avoid all social contact. Try asking him or his teachers how he’s getting along with other kids. Ask her to keep an eye for him. How is his academic level? Is he keeping up with class, or does he require assistance? How long has he been overweight? Did he gain much weight recently?
It is a well established that TV watching for more than 4 hours a day is associated with overweight in children. It sounds as though your son has entered a vicious cycle of passive activities, weight gain, low self esteem, leading to avoidance of any form of social activities, and so forthe. Try to find out what is the core of this behaviour as suggested about. You need to help him break the cycle slowly, gradually, without even letting on that he has a “problem”. Ecourage don’t reproach. Start by changing the nature of available snacks around the house, stating that the Family should aquire more healthy eating options. Which is a benefit for all anyway. Soft drinks should be replaced by low cal drinks or water, Make fruits and vegetables appealing and available. Encourage him to be more active by initiating familial sports activities - walks, biking, ball playing are just some suggestions you can all do together. It may be a good way to spend time together and talk. You can even enroll him to one-on-one physical activity classes of his choice (wall climbing, swimming are good options) or children’s gym, thus avoiding peer pressure in team sports until he gains confidence. Only then limit TV watching to less than 2 hours a day. You need to be consistent, supportive and positive. The rest will follow. For more detailed nutritional options, I suggest you contact a registered dietitian.
Dr. Sarah Itzhaki
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How long had this been going on? Has he been acting this way since always or is it a new aquired trait? If it’s a new behaviour you need to see if something has occurred in school that makes him avoid all social contact. Try asking him or his teachers how he’s getting along with other kids. Ask her to keep an eye for him. How is his academic level? Is he keeping up with class, or does he require assistance? How long has he been overweight? Did he gain much weight recently?
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My 5 year old son is not interacting with children in school, he has isolated himself and will not talk or play with others. When school started he told me he played with friends and what they played. But I later learned that he made it all up. When the teachers or children speak to him he can barely respond or make eye contact. It’s been 6 months and he hasn’t made any progress in this manner at school. He has a good friend from a play group outside of school and he interacts very well with him. Also with his younger brother and they are best friends and play together. What should I do?
Hannah, NV
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The first thing to do is to ask the school for help in facilitating his social interaction. The teacher should pair him with another child for a task they need to do together and continue doing this until he is able to work with the other child. Also, if there is a school counselor, he should be part of a small social group that teaches children how to interact. It is also important that his teacher has a nurturing relationship with your child. At home, it would be helpful to invite classmates over so your child can become comfortable interacting with them; hopefully, this will translate to the school setting. However, as you can see, a child is sometimes comfortable with some people in some situations but this does not mean it will transfer to other people in other situations. Talk to your child about this situation in an empathic rather than critical manner. Making him feel badly about his behavior will only make him withdraw more. If the above suggestions do not help within a few weeks, a mental health counselor should be consulted. The longer this continues, the more difficult it will be for your child to interact with others in school.
Dr. Steven Tobias
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The first thing to do is to ask the school for help in facilitating his social interaction. The teacher should pair him with another child for a task they need to do together and continue doing this until he is able to work with the other child. Also, if there is a school counselor, he should be part of a small social group that teaches children how to interact. It is also important that his teacher has a nurturing relationship with your child. At home, it would be helpful to invite classmates over so your child can become comfortable interacting with them; hopefully, this will translate to the school setting. However, as you can see, a child is sometimes comfortable with some people in some situations but this does not mean it will transfer to other people in other situations. Talk to your child about this situation in an empathic rather than critical manner. Making him feel badly about his behavior will only make him withdraw more. If the above suggestions do not help within a few weeks, a mental health counselor should be consulted. The longer this continues, the more difficult it will be for your child to interact with others in school.
